A Trail of Crumbs

When you gaze out your window — real or figurative — do you see the forest first, or the trees?

I see the trees. I see the little details, the individual pieces, before I realize what I’ve really gotten into. By the time I do, it is then that I see the forest I’m lost within. And I don’t mean ‘lost’ necessarily in a negative way. It can be, but it can also be something eye-opening…awakening.

Like any situation in life, it only takes one minute little thing to attract my attention. A tree; its leaves; a bird singing in a tree; the twists and turns of its branches. These little pieces attract me, and I follow them, similar to a bread trail someone has left – I’m enticed to keep going down this little path of crumbs. Before I know it, there’s another tree, and then another. There’s something about each and every one of them that lures me further and further in. It’s like discovering something entirely new every time I see one I haven’t come across before. At that moment, I see the forest that I’m really in. I’m lost in it, but at the same time, I’m going somewhere. I then start thinking of the bigger picture – where did these trees lead me, where am I going, and do I want to stay in or get out?

Like a lot of situations and decisions, we sometimes follow some initial spark and before we know it, we’re in the middle of the fire.

To the Grave

What’s the most significant secret you’ve ever kept? Did the truth ever come out?

Probably something personal. And probably something I can’t tell you. They’re secrets, and nope, they’ll never come out.

“Continue Dreaming”

I got this through Google images. Something about it just jumped out at me. I prefer not to go uneducated about things I really like, so I did some research.

Lulled by stupefying illusions, the world is asleep in the cradle of infancy, dreaming away the hours.

This was a quote from Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, written by Mary Baker Eddy. In short, she was born in New Hampshire, heard voices as a child, believed in healing/Christianity/spirituality, and died on December 3rd. That’s my birthday. Not weird or anything.

Eddy’s book is (according to Wikipedia) apparently a central text in the Christian Science religion. It consists of teachings and such. I’d read it, just because. The quote above is followed by another,

Material sense does not unfold the facts of human existence; but spiritual sense lifts human consciousness into eternal Truth.

These quotes come from a chapter titled, “Christian Science versus Spiritualism.” The particular excerpts are about growth, spiritual understanding, and the process of spiritualization, which is apparently reached through one last “understanding” – Love.

I didn’t read much more other than a few paragraphs, and I didn’t really need to at the time I was doing my research. I was happy to end it with,

Love will finally mark the hour of harmony, and spiritualization will follow, for Love is Spirit.

And once again, with all things in life, it all ends in love. Thinking about it, being in it, desiring it, seeking it, fearing it, ending it, even hating it – it consumes so much more in our lives than we realize. It’s both a way to dream and a way to awaken; a way to get lost and way to get found; an illusion and a Truth.

But the greatest of these is love.

You can guess where that one’s from.

“Please don’t explain, just let me continue dreaming…” – Matt Nathanson

Room For More

Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?

It’s half full. There’s always room to add more of whatever you choose.

Looking at something half empty is looking at something you don’t believe has any worth. It’s almost empty, almost gone, not worth it. Half full – endless possibilities. Take away a little, maintain it how it is, or add more. So many choices, so little time.

“Cold Shoulder”

I know I know. I haven’t written in this thing. Not that anyone actively follows my posts of anything I write, but still. Writing is just more of a…release? I just love it too much.

So aside from ignoring this little blog here, I find I ignore lots of things. I ignore some desires, dreams and callings, and friendships. What’s my flaw? Inconsistency? Giving up on things? I like to think I’m not the one to give up, that other people do, but on the other hand, maybe I do.

I don’t remember what movie it was that I saw, but there was a pretty dreary concept about humans having an emptiness inside them and that they’ll always yearn for more, more, more (come to think of it, that’s probably from a multitude of movies). I like where I’m at, but I just feel like there’s something more. I want to be elsewhere and do other things, but I don’t know how to get there. Because of my frustration, I settle for what I have – I mean really, I don’t have it bad at all. Maybe I’m too finicky? Picky? Or maybe I just miss things. Mountains. Colorado. France. Silly moments (yes, Plinky got me on that one). BUT the bipolar other side of me is having so much fun where I am now! I enjoy going to work, which I know many people can’t admit to. However, will I always enjoy it? Who knows.

As far as dreams and callings, bleh. That’s what I have to say. There’s SO many things I would enjoy doing, and other things I’d love doing. Problem is, how do you pick just one? I want all of it!! I want to be a hermit in the mountains, be a beach bum selling trinkets, be the next journalist, be the next news reporter, be the kind of teacher they make movies about, be a sommelière, find some crazy awesome job in France, find an awesome job in Colorado, be a photographer and take pictures of things I love, open up my own restaurant, and adopt all the stray animals in the world. Yep – that’s me in a nutshell. You either think I’m optimistic, weird, or insane.

Continuing along, I seem to have better long-distance friendships than I do close ones. I don’t dislike anyone I’m friends with. Well, duh…I wouldn’t be friends with you if I didn’t like you. I’m just not that good at keeping up with people, especially old friends. WHYYY?? I don’t do it intentionally and I don’t mean to hurt feelings (but I’m sure I have)…I think that’s just how I am. It’s selfish, I know. There’s probably a few times I’ve disappointed people, but to my luck, I’ve never actually lost any good friendships. Maybe the people I’m friends with understand it and can deal with it just fine, but still, I shouldn’t be that way. I should be a consistent and stable friend.

In conclusion to my rant of nothing in particular, I need to be more stable, in all things. I need to figure out just what in the WORLD I’m doing. Until then, everything is kind of going with the flow. I’ve always thought I preferred to just float along and go with whatever, but now I’m not too sure… So in reality, this topic isn’t concluded. It’s still a mystery to me…

“Try to look for things I hear but our eyes never find…” – Adele

Silly Little Moments

Describe a little thing — one of the things you love that defines your world but is often overlooked.

Silly moments. They’re often short, quick, and forgotten or lost amongst other more prominent memories. Silly little moments that provided you with momentary giggles and laughter – the kind that really made you feel good and happy even if for a couple minutes. Sometimes those moments are easily dismissed or forgotten, not because we didn’t enjoy them, but because we get caught up and rushed in other things in life. Those silly moments mean the world to me. No matter what they consisted of and who they were experienced with, they will always bring a smile to my face. Happy reminders that you once enjoyed a moment with someone – whether it be a family member, friend, or maybe someone you were passing on the street. Smile, laughter, and silly moments – key to feeling happy.

 

Summer Memories…I Can’t Believe it’s Nearly Been a Year

Share a favorite summer memory.

Where to start…there’s so many. Graduating from college. Vegas Baby! Working at camp. Super lates walk under the moonlight. Breaking furniture (whoops). Having my main summer activities consist of camping, hiking, and climbing. Meeting people I will never forget. Having to use a laundromat. Making new and lasting bonds. Sally’s mojitos. The Tiki Bar. Chilling by the lake. Dominating at darts (hah). Making campers play “Nub Sports.” Barebacking under the night stars. Listening to the guitar playing. Feeling so incredibly comfortable in the middle of absolutely nowhere. SKYDIVING. Sleeping in a cold cabin but snuggling up to warmness. Coming back home to my pups, family, and friends. Canandaigua. The barn. LOVE. Summer coming to an end and turning into a beautiful fall.

Summer 2011.